Tomorrow night my show, THE COMPLAINT opens.  I am so excited I will have to take an adavan and drink a few more Blue Points to sleep tonight. These last few months have been a tumultuous and exciting few weeks. I am so awake that sleep has been an impossibility and food only seems to get in the way of the fire in my stomach.  There is no reason I should be healthy right now- i have been "burning the candle at both ends" as my dad would say.  I spoke to my father tonight and feel so full of gratitude for the tambor of his voice and the heh heh heh of his laugh that it makes my chest swell with pride and unbelief that I am cut from the same fat as he. Lucky lady amanda bird. That is me.  My dad calls me amanda bird and says, "Your mother robbed, tricked, gipped (pick your grabby adjective) me out of calling you amanda bird- that is your name..." Always something like that said- I love it. He is the penultimate storyteller- I was raised by a master storyteller. Stories are addicting- especially good ones that you don't mind hearing again and again. I love my father's stories. They may be my favorite. I like to live big so maybe I can rise to the birthright I have been afforded by a good damn story telling man. 

Acting and storytelling are the same thing to me...so I'm telling this story my buddy Randy wrote...THE COMPLAINT. Living in this story for the last 6 weeks has been the best thing I could ever be a part of.  Randy Noojin is a good damn storyteller.  It is a trip to get to live inside your friend's stories- truly- and then to be able to act out that story with the originator of that story is even more double rainbow trippy. Why does this story resonate with me....

When I was seven a man named "Uncle Tony" and my dad bought me little honda fifty four wheeler ATV. The first time I drove it I ran myself up a tree. I had on full body armor and helmet, but those men gave me my first opportunity for autonomy in a physical, risky way that it fueled the thrill seeker in me that I was to become. My "Uncle Tony" was a silver haired ebullient man that had the energy of an 18 year old. All my memories of him consist of smiles, and laughter, and celebrating. Full of life. A few years down the road from the honda "Uncle Tony" was incarcerated for marijuana. He has been in jail for over a decade and may very well die there...for pot...  Recently many of us close to Tony wrote pleas to the judge to let him be released for time fitting the crime...he is still a prisoner. So- this show that I'm living in right now is a totem to my "Uncle Tony". There are cells across America that are keeping people from freedom because of a plant that grows out of the fucking ground.  THE COMPLAINT only highlights the rediculous drug laws and their consequences to people that could be contributing in positive ways to our current society. Tony inspired a little girl to be bold and joyous and to live life on her own terms...but he is in a prison serving out a sentence that is unfair and unfitting.  I think we have made great strides in understanding the reality of marijuana and its effect on society- but we aren't there yet. I wish my "Uncle Tony" could see this show- I know he would be proud to hear story where the protagonist prevails and pot is involved- I hold out hope that lawmakers will let him go live his life and put some love into the world. Damn it.

This show is about more than marijuana laws.  It's about going after your dreams...the things you TRULY want down deep in your gut...no matter what the cost.  I am newly single- and out of respect will not delve into the details...but yeah...that is what I am living right now.  We all have intuition and instinct, but often we cut those impulses off to become more comfortable and safe. Fuck it. Why be safe? What are we so afraid of? You only get once chance to live this life. There are no rehearsals (cliche, but fucking true). Go for it. Give yourself a chance- because no one else will unless you believe that you have a chance. There is so much inspiration out there waiting to be eaten up- its so easy to get tunnel vision we lose our 20/20 and stop looking. OPEN YOUR EYES.

The cast and producing team of THE COMPLAINT are my family.  I have been so encouraged and inspired by their commitment to this project that it makes me want to do more. Do more for them, for me, for the sake of art. One of the lines in the show is- "Suddenly Art is Possible"....it is. It is right at our fingertips and we are smoking it long and proud and sharing it with whomever wants a hit. This show has mother fucking heart. Come and be a part of it. We open tomorrow and have 15 performances to fill- its a 50 seat house- so 750 have the "opportunity" to be enlightened with our story- please be one of them....

Buy your tickets here:
THE COMPLAINT, by Randy Noojin TICKETS

If you want to know more about the project, check out CEOTheatre's website or read our write up in Broadway World
CEOTheatre
BROADWAY WORLD

In April I turned 31 and played a boy for the first time in my acting career. As I was performing as Jason Goldfarb in THE BAR MITZVAH OF JESUS GOLDFARB, I was challenged not to just be a woman playing a 13 yr old boy, but to be a convincing teen in all his innocence and awkwardness that was searching for truth and learning about sacrifice. The less I "pretended" to be a boy, the more I found Jason in core of myself.  One night the stage manager came backstage and told us that David Pilot, a director wanted to meet us.  David told me about HANS- a lab/ workshop he was about to launch. HANS is a play David wrote- it is a case study by Freud; the first case study of sexuality in a child. It is famous in the psycho-analytic world- every psych student studies this case in school.  At this phase in the process, David was toying with the idea of having an all female cast and wanted to know if I was interested. YES... We exchanged info and time passed.

In June, Sally Burtenshaw, the amazing director that helped me find Jason, was directing a Fringe Show. I auditioned and was hopeful because it was a musical and I really liked the music, was familiar with the writer, and excited for an opportunity to work with Sally again. Well...as it's happened SO many times before- it was down to 2 of us and I didn't win.  While I was in callbacks for the Fringe show, David had contacted me.  If I had been cast I would not have had the time and opportunity to become a part of HANS. TEACHING MOMENT....seriously- when one door closes the freaking roof opens up and you realize you have wings busting out the back of your tube top and that sky is so pretty it could just kill you.  So...I started going to this lab/workshop twice a week....The Hans Project.

I came a few weeks late to the party. I walked into a hot cathedral on a Monday night and met the ensemble of HANS- a group of 16 women, a man playing Freud, and a bevy of musicians congregated in a church space that comprises The West End Theatre in all its high dome pewed seating and built in sweat.  I jumped right in to some of the improvisations and was so struck by the graciousness and abandon the ensemble offered up and included me into.  As the lab continued, faces changed, life calibrated the collective and every single night we spent together I left feeling high and free and excited to explore the world of HANS with David and the ensemble. Somehow, along the way, David and I had not discussed my union affiliation. I learned I would not be able to perform in the run of the show because this was NOT going to be an Equity production.  David asked if I would continue on as his Assistant Director. At first I was disappointed because I knew I'd be giving up that feeling of freedom I had as a performer in the group, but I was also excited to explore the show and bring my instincts as a director. I said yes, and on the party raged.  Then, David got Austin Pendleton & Andre De Sheilds to be the voice of Freud and it would be an equity showcase, and could I perform? OF COURSE!

I have really enjoyed exploring the role of The Assistant. I play an arsenal of characters that interact with little Hans. I am a boy cousin, a little girl, a stork, a horse, a photographer, a plumber... many of which are images and hallucinations that this traumatized child fabricates and has phobias, dreams, and realizations about.  This process has been chock full of my own psycho exploration.  This show is about a child who witnesses abuse, is traumatized and confused and alone in a family, but ultimately is saved by music and does become successful. How? Little Hans goes on to become a successful opera producer, but his sister Hana commits suicide...exploring how Hans transcends his circumstances leads me to explore my own journey.

As a child I experienced terrible night terrors all the way up into my teens. I was afraid to go to sleep for most of my childhood.  As an infant I had seizures, but as a child they developed into hallucinations and totally paralyzing fearscapes.  I would see monsters bubbling out of the walls, or people dressed in old clothes waltzing around my bed.  These visions were always accompanied by spontaneous fever which led my mom to believe it was my brain doing this to me.  The only thing that would bring me out of it was my mom drawing me a tepid bath. I remember so vividly coming out of those states with my tired mommy there stroking my hair and feeling so bad, "Oh no- it happened again...I am so sorry."  My mom had me go to sleep studies, all different kinds of neurologists and brain people to find out "what was wrong with me"...out of concern of course- I don't blame my mom- she was doing EVERYTHING she though she could to help me through those traumatizing episodes.  Looking back, I understand now that I was reacting to the climate of my parents marriage, the environment I came into, and frankly, the psychological residue of my parents and family life.  Children are spongy and amorphous- my sensitivity sucked it all up. I was a happy wistful child in the daytime- I grew up on a farm where I was naked all the time and had horses and rivers and land to tread.  But at night I truly felt haunted and always a step away from the demons that knew right where to find me.  Theatre and acting and music saved me. I feel akin to little Hans, and feel a great responsibility to be a reflection of the demons he knew well, but somehow befriended or flew away from.

We are now a cast of 6 women, 3 musicians, and 4 voices of Frued.  We open in 10 days, and I am very excited. I have never worked in a lab situation like this- I'm used to being result and performance oriented as a professional actress. Letting go of the need for a result has been hard, but has stimulated much growth and freedom. I am continually inspired by the women in the ensemble. Even when there has been conflict it has been on the road to understanding and love.  The resources and research that has been at our disposal is so amazing. This has truly been a collaborative process in its finest sense. Music, art, movement, psycho exploration, imagery, sex, all of it- its been one big exquisite dream...

http://www.HansProject.com

Hans: A Case Study
Written and Directed by David Pilot
September 17 - 25, 2011: 8:00pm
West End Theatre in the Church of St. Paul and St. Andrew
263 West 86th Street, New York, NY  10024
NEW YORK, New York, September 6, 2011 - West End Theatre - David Pilot and Hans Project are proud to present, "Hans: A Case Study” based on Sigmund Freud’s 1909 landmark case study Little Hans, Analysis of Phobia in a Five Year-Old Boy. Hans is a hero’s tale of a young boy’s escape from the imposition of neurosis into revelation of self.

Hans’ parents agreed to observe and report on the psychological and emotional development of their first child as encouraged by Freud. This seminal case history served to introduce Freud’s developmental theories, including the Oedipal Complex, Castration Complex, Penis Envy and the notion of the sexual fantasy life.  Suppressed evidence of trauma, abuse and boundary violation has recently surfaced, inspiring a more thorough re-examination of history’s first child psychoanalysis.
Featured in the role of Sigmund Freud are Austin Pendleton* (Sept 17, 18, 23), Dr. John Munder Ross, Ph.D. (Sept. 19 and 20), Valery Oisteanu (Sept. 21 and 22) and André De Shields* (Sept 24, 25). Starring the all female ensemble of Elsa Carette as Hans, Jenna Bourgeois as Mummy, Louisa Ward as Daddy, Raquel Dutra as Grete, Amanda Ladd* as The Assistant and Dana Marcolina as Hanna, with live music by the Complex Electra Orchestra featuring composer/piano David Cieri, percussion Brian Ravitsky and Jay Frederick, contrabass Mike Brown, and theremin Julie Dicterow. Live-action illustration performed by artist Maximilian Bode.

Panels with leading psychoanalysts and academics on Freud and Little Hans, follow each performance.  Dr. Robert Landy, Ph.D. (Director - NYU Drama Therapy Program), Dr. John Munder Ross, Ph.D. (Clinical Professor - Columbia and Weill Cornell Medical Centers), Dr. Jennifer Stuart, Ph.D. (Faculty: NYU Psychoanalytic Institute), and Dr. Harold Blum, Ph.D. (Executive Director of the Freud Archives at the U.S. Library of Congress) lead the discussions.

Suggested donation, $18 – Advanced reservations required.

Ticket Information:
917.680.8547
tickets@hansproject.com

Press Inquiries:
917.755.0653
elaverty@hansproject.com

Visit http://www.hansproject.com

*Actors appearing courtesy Actors Equity Association


 

This summer has been amazing. I have gotten to collaborate with my dream pit of artists and every day I wake up inspired and excited for what lies before me. Thank you for being in my life and sharing this journey. Sometimes NYC can wear you down, and then there are these times that fill you up til you just don't think you can feel any deeper. Whatever up or down you might find yourself in right now, remember that endless possibilities exist in the most surprising of places. Happy end of summer- thanks again for all your love and support.

We have 7 days left to reach our goal for THE COMPLAINT Indie GoGo fundraiser.  If your waiting til the last minute, NOW'S THE TIME! Even a $10. donation will help with rehearsal costs. So far we have raised $1,640.00. Our goal for this campaign is $3,000.00.  Click here to donate in a super easy safe way!
http://igg.me/p/24951?a=122208&i=shlk

THANK YOU to everyone who has already donated- my heart is filled with love at your outpouring of support. 

In other news, I am involved in a super amazing project right now called HANS by David Pilot. I will be performing in this thought provoking piece September 17-23 at The West End Theatre. Austin Pendleton will be performing as the voice of Freud Sept. 17, 18, & 23. I will be sending out more info about the show- so exciting! Check out the website for more info!
http://www.hansproject.com

Join me this Saturday 8/27, 8pm, @ Character's Bar (54st btwn 8/bway) for HOT AUGUST NIGHT: A Neil Diamond Costume Party.  All proceeds benefit THE COMPLAINT.  Tix are $10. at the door, but that gets you $3. drinks and a chance to win prizes! Its going to be a fun party to celebrate the CEO's and the upcoming production of THE COMPLAINT @ The 45th Street Theatre.  I made a video for Bryn Boice who is organizing the party and loves I AM...I SAID...enjoy!
I AM...I SAID...A monologue

In 2008 I auditioned for a show called ALMOST, MAINE.  I was 28 years old, a 6 year veteran of New York City, a Quarter Life Crisis survivor, and seeker of an artistic home.  I had worked on cruise lines, toured in musicals, learned the cruelties of Children's Theatre, moved from Astoria to Manhattan, and worked just about every job one can think of to support my acting habit.  I was also struggling with my artistic choices as an actress- I was tired of Musical Theatre.  The 16 bar audition wore out my soul to get into shows that had no soul...it just wasn't alive in my reality.  I wanted to be an actress and was tired of looked for acting "jobs".  I needed to be creatively inspired by people I chose to work with rather than hoping to be picked for a show every 3 months- its exhausting to one's creativity to shuttle around working on pieces that come with a suitcase and super short contract.  I wanted to work on projects with people that had staying power.  I was searching for a group that I could initiate growth and hone a sense of artistic self.  I found that place with the COCKEYED OPTIMISTS.  Brenda & Brian Foley cast me in ALMOST, MAINE and I became a company member. 

COCKEYED OPTIMISTS is the first group of artists that I felt a sense of ownership and really had to ask the question, "What can I bring to the table."  Then I realized what a great damn resource I am.  I used to feel like my only talent in life was being a performer- that's the only thing I wanted to be good at.  As I age I have gotten less tunnel visioned about what I "ought to be doing".  I'm not just an actress; I'm an Auctioneer, web personality, athlete, wine girl, floral designer, acting teacher, producer, and writer...and much more that would not be humble of me to carry on about.  All of these things I found in my search of happiness and fulfillment. Opening up my lens has helped me become a better artist and optimal human being.  I have been able to use these skills as an actress and ensemble member of the COCKEYED OPTIMISTS. I acted and fund raised for ALMOST, MAINE, helped produce, builid, and fund raise for ONE THING I LIKE TO SAY, produced and acted in THE TIES THAT BIND night of one acts, and now I am the Managing Director currently fundraising and acting in THE COMPLAINT in the Fall.  I work with many theatre groups in Manhattan, but the CEO'S have been my steady girlfriend, and she is looking hotter as she ages...

Randy Noojin is the playwright of THE COMPLAINT, the CEO's fall production.  I met Randy Noojin when I was 19 years old.  I was working in the box office at SOUTHERN APPALACHIAN REPERTORY THEATRE in Mars Hill, NC on the campus of my alma mater, Mars Hill College.  I finally got to work with him onstage for the first time in SART'S 2000 production of THE SECRET GARDEN.  Randy was handsome, talented, poetic, and very much fun to work and play with. I worked at SART every summer of my college years and got to work with the most spectacular people who have become like family to me: Michael Mattison, Ben Coates, Bill Gregg, Liz Aiello, Tony Medlin, Kris Geddie, Chris Allison, Bob Gay, Rebecca Phippard, Amanda Woodward, Brandon Harmon, Ronnie Fender, and of course, Randy Noojin.  I can not describe the joy and freedom I experienced in my 20's working with SART and exploring stories and late nights with these characters.  Randy has been one of the artists who have worked with SART for over 20 years. That place is very special and attracts the best damn artists I have ever had the pleasure of working with. It is where I learned from people like Randy what kind of artist I wanted to be. I worked with Randy on HANK WILLIAMS, LOST HIGHWAY & NOISES OFF.  He is a tireless perfectionist that pours every ounce of energy into the characters he plays. Watching him as Hank was scary good.

I didn't even know that Randy was a playwright til years after I had worked with him.  I have done several readings of his plays since we both became city dwellers.  I find his plays to be romantic and well told.  His female characters especially leave the page feeling fulfilled.  I see so much of his own personality in the plays that he pens- he has a humorous sensibility that is unabashed and curious.  Most recently I was in a production of his sweet short play JUST SAY SOMETHING with Artistic New Directions.  The one play that has stuck out over the years as my very favorite is THE COMPLAINT.  I have done 3 separate readings of this show with various companies and every time we revisited it I'd say to myself, "I can't wait until someone does this show".  I brought the play to the COCKEYED OPTIMISTS earlier this year and after much laughter around the table the group all agreed- we have to do this play.  It deals with some hot button issues like racism, marijuana, and police brutality...but NEVER does it get preachy or predictable because the characters and relationships are written with compelling idiosyncrasies that leave an impression on the audience.  Watch my video with Randy to learn more about THE COMPLAINT.

I will be playing the lead character of Gayle in THE COMPLAINT.  I really identify and love Gayle.  She is an Internal Affairs Investigator, but also has aspirations to be actress.  Her whole family are cops, so of course that's the path she has chosen, although she went to acting classes in New York City and took a year off to see if she could make it.  She is a frustrated artist who wants nothing more than to fulfill her dreams of performing. I can totally relate to that! I became an Auctioneer just like my Father so I would have something to fall back on and also have the opportunity to work with the family business.  This is just one of the many endearing qualities I look forward to exploring in rehearsal.

Bryn Boice is directing it, who is AMAZING.  She directed me in two other short plays: PUPPET LOVE which I won Best Actress at The American Globe Theatre's Turnip Festival 2010, and THE DISSOLUTION ROOM in the DARE PROJECT with TAX DEDUCTIBLE THEATRE.  She is funny funny funny with a strong  no bullshit attitude that makes acting for her clear and easy in communicating the beats.  I can't wait til she gets her hands on this piece. 

Producing independent, non-profit theatre in New York City is challenging.  We just put down a deposit to produce THE COMPLAINT at THE 45TH STREET THEATRE in Midtown.  It is $6,100.00 for a 3 week rental of this theatre.  This is exciting for us because our other 2 full length productions were both downtown at THE ACCESS THEATRE (which is lovely, but we're so happy to be in a more central location!).  It is a 50 seat house on 45th st btwn 8th and 9th avenue. THE COMPLAINT will run from October 27- November 13.  So...we have some serious funds we have to raise to make this show happen.  We still have to come up with around $10,000.00 for this production.  Asking friends and family for money for this project is tough, but when you believe in what your doing it makes it alot easier.  THE COMPLAINT is a story that I want to share with the world.  It has great insight into going after what you want no matter the fall out might be. That is what I am trying to do in my life and wish more people would take that leap of faith to find happiness. Producing this show is a leap of faith for the entire ensemble of the COCKEYED OPTIMISTS, but we believe in this project, and in each other, so nothing but good can come from leaping.  I have invested myself in THE COMPLAINT financially and artistically.  I have great Optimism that it will be a success and that audiences will love it. 

This project is really important for the future of COCKEYED OPTIMISTS.  We have an opportunity to do a NYC premiere of a really good play that deserves some attention.  I am trying to do everything in my power to aggregate the right people and get a vibe going that elevates the future of our full length productions. I want the COCKEYED OPTIMISTS to grow as a company and be a place artists want to bring their skills to the table in a collaborative effort.  THE COMPLAINT for me is a realization of the kind of theatre I would like to buy a ticket to see. 

So friends and family who I am ever grateful and inspired by- I need you to give something.  Whatever the amount, I am humbled to ask you to support this venture.  I  would be nothing without you and this project feels the same way. Thank you for taking a chance on an actress who is living her dream- cheesy yes, but that's okay- I'm willing to own that...Live the dream- give a buck or two.
CLICK HERE TO DONATE TO THE COCKEYED OPTIMISTS FUNDRAISER FOR THE COMPLAINT

    I am a singer. Before I knew what acting was, or believed I could be in show business, I sang songs. Most of them were made up and full of lalalas- like the songs my mom would sing in the kitchen in that operatic vibrato she has. I took a lot of walks alone as a child. Walking down to the river, I'd sing at the top of my lungs- my voice echoing off the mountains and making me feel strong.  I grew up an only child on a farm in Tennessee until I was 6.  I was surrounded by adults, open air, absolute freedom, and a fantasy life that continually alters my reality as an adult...in good and bad ways both.  I remember singing and loving the sound of my own voice. I would walk around the horse pasture in the walnut grove making my own music and talking to the dobermans as though they were my god-sent protectors. I sang to my pony, Cracker Jack- named after my favorite snack because of the toy in the bottom. I hated the peanuts-  picked them out and gave them to the dogs.  I didn't really sing for other people.  I wanted attention and fought for it, but singing was private- like writing poetry would become for me as an angst ridden teen.  But when I was alone I would cast spells that made me into a beautiful princess and serenade the bottom land with how I would rule my kingdom.
    My parents divorced when I was six and my Mom and I moved to suburban Florida to live with my Aunt Roz.  Aunt Roz and I have a special bond. As a child I remember her soft skin, manicured hand, and professional wardrobe.  This travel agent read me bed time stories from Shel Silverstein's Where the Sidewalk Ends.  By the time I could read I had memorized most of the book.  My Aunt Roz, whom I am named after (Amanda Rosslyn Ladd), also ran a children's choir at the community church. She taught me music and helped me to socialize with people my own age.  Music made me feel like I had a professional wardrobe like my Aunt; clothed with a purpose.  I still didn't like to sing solo unless it was to my family or in a group.  I didn't think I was that good. Dramatic...yes...vocally captivating....hmmmm...
    When I was around 10 or 11, I went to Six Flags over Atlanta while we were getting the doberman's ears clipped into pointy triangles. My Step Mother and Father splurged and let me record a song at the park. I had never been in a recording studio before. I wore those over sized head phones to hear the accompaniment to my favorite song: "The Wind Beneath My Wings". When I "wrapped" they played it over the loud speaker at the park. IT WAS AWFUL! I was out of key and sooooo embarrassed. All the freedom I felt singing in the country came to a screeching holt like the amusement park rides. I now had a recording- proof of my inadequacy as a singer.  I continued to sing, but never alone- what I heard on that tape is not what I had felt in that studio. How could I ever trust my own voice?
    In middle school I sang a duet with a girl at my Middle School Graduation.  It was "If We Hold On Together" from The Land Before Time .  I had worn a dress that was a little see-thru and I didn't have a slip. I borrowed one from my mom- she is much larger than me, so I had it safety pinned. Just as I was hitting the high note at the end...my slip slipped right off.  I was so embarrassed. There was applause, but it was mired by laughter.  Somehow that slip overshadowed the whole experience- the very thing that was to keep people from seeing thru became the magnifying glass in which to see everything. My humiliation was louder than my voice.  I had the whole summer to hate myself and my voice.
    When I was 16 I got the part of Irene in the school musical Crazy for You.  Originally they cut my song because it was too sexual for my very conservative christian school. Oeida Hatcher was the director. She was also my choir teacher.  I had just made it into the elite Chambers Choir.  After not getting in 2 years in a row, I would finally be considered the creme de la creme of my school's singers.  At the acceptance ceremony I wore a purple/blue gown from the 70's- it was my Aunt's.  Ms. Hatcher knew I could sing and so she put the song back in and changed the words from "Naughty Baby" to "Haughty Baby". Where once there was a strip tease I now had glasses and a book in hand.  Oeida Hatcher is the reason I am a professional actress. She probably doesn't even remember this, because I probably acted like it was no big deal in my teeny way.  I was better than I thought I could be because Oeida gave me a chance.  I was good and people applauded and laughed and I had my first taste.  I finally had a creative family that weren't Cracker Jack and the Dobies.  I had been on stage before as an actress, but somehow...singing on stage transformed me. Music opened up possibility and reinforced confidence and bravery in my life. All of a sudden I knew what I would be when I grew up.
    The following year there was a scandal at my high school. It happened right after I had been cast in Camelot, my senior year Musical.  I had been cast as Morgan LeFey and the voice of Nimue...but I would never get to sing "Far from day, far from night, world farewell, world goodbye. In a home by the sea, I shall go. Follow me...."  Oeida Hatcher was accused of molestation- charges that were FALSE, but due to the conservative succubus that was my school, she was fired.  Along with her went all of the arts teachers that supported her. They left in solidarity.  My senior year was ruined.  No musical, no guard competition, no Chambers Choir. I felt great loss and anger. Then- something amazing happened. My Aunt Roz and Uncle Bob got me an audition for La Boheme the opera.  Longtime singers with the Master Chorale, my Aunt and Uncle were hired to sing in the chorus. I got in! It was a paid singing job with the Florida Orchestra at The Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center! Anton Coppola was the maestro. They even brought in principal singers who had performed at the Met!  Oh what fun and joy and family and delight I experienced.  The costumes were opulent, the set was enormous.  I would be at a arduous blocking rehearsal with the dumbest smile on my face. I felt so alive and it was wonderful.  I knew that I wouldn't be an opera singer, but I did know that I was going to major in Musical Theatre.  So I did...and the journey began....
    In college I got to stretch my legs and be a big fish in a small pond.  Of course I wanted to go to New York, but my Dad was paying for school and I had to find a smaller, closer setting. I returned to the country for my college years. I went to Mars Hill College in North Carolina, less than 2 hrs from the farm I grew up on. It was a wonderfully free time in my life. I spent most of my weekends back on the farm- singing to the mountains.  Even though I got my degree in Musical Theatre, I was never the typical Musical Theatre girl.  I liked the artier lesser know songs.  My tastes were darker than the average ingenue.  I obsessed over plays like Cabaret, or writers like Ricky Ian Gordon.  I was never a fan of Rogers and Hammerstein and the whole fakety fake Disney world of Musicals...but ironically, I ended up working for Disney as my first job out of college. Kids at home- never take a job for the money alone- you will be miserable in the end...I promise.  As an actress, I had an easier time asserting myself as the artist I wanted to be.  Singing musical theatre wasn't a natural soft cotton dress for me- it was a size too small cocktail number, but still a part of my fantastic professional wardrobe...just like Aunt Roz.
    Now I'm an actress in New York.  I have a love hate relationship with singing- most of which comes from the nature of the audition culture in Manhattan.  Still haven't made it to Broadway.  I started to mistrust my voice after a few years- maybe getting older, you don't like to squeeze into those tight ass cocktail dresses as much as you used to.  I have expanded as an artist.  I know my strengths.  I miss my voice though.  Sometimes I'll sing out loud and think to myself- wow- where have you been hiding.  The singer in me is a mute at times. When I feel something deeply, the only thing that can take me deeper is music. I do know that I am feeling called to sing again. I have to start back at the beginning- singing for myself- for the sake of my own sound echoing off the everything.  I'm starting a band called Cracker Jack and the Dobies...where I'm the biggest star that ever burned.

People always ask me how "AmandaRama" came to be. Well...once upon a time in a bar on the upper west side, Amanda was  a server/bartender.  There, a sir Ryan Walsh called her by such a name and it stuck. Many think it has pornographic connotations, but nononononoooo. Let me set the record straight. I think of "Rama" as a type of frenzy or sensation. Maybe even a place that promises bounty and plenty.  So "AmandaRama" is a frenzied, plentiful expression of getting all of ME- the good, the bad, and the ugly (which can also be funny).  I've always been a personality people are polarized by, so I thought, why not express myself on the web no holds barred.  When I was younger I was always hoping to be accepted...well, after years of fruitless work I came to love my obnoxious differences and embrace who I am. If anything, AmandaRama is actually a truer expression of me than the filtered Amanda most people know.  I think that is why I've forged such a bond with my viewers and had any inkling of success on the web.  Love me or hate me, I'm a powerhouse of some sort...lol.  I bought my first Mac computer about 5 years ago and it changed my life as an artist. I have NEVER been technological- I didn't even own a cell phone until I moved to NYC!  When I bought my Mac I answered an ad on Craigslist for "ENTERTAINING PEOPLE WITH WEBCAMS".  Well, I had a webcam, I just had to figure out how to turn it on! I answered the ad and got a job broadcasting on BLOGTV.com.  This is not widely know info to my webfans, but YES...I was paid for over 2 years to broadcast live everyday.  I LOVED every minute of it. I got paid to learn how to have an audience, edit video, and really be whomever I felt like in that moment.  I didn't broadcast because I was being paid- I developed The AmandaRama Show because I enjoyed it and found a home to be who I am. As an actress in NYC with little power in the industry, I embraced AmandaRama.  Eventually I learned how to edit video and realized I could be more specific with the material I wanted to present. So...for those who were wondering what this AmandaRama business is about- there it is.  I continue to make web videos and miss my blogtv family- there will be more broadcasts, so stay tuned!! Subcribe to my youtube and blogtv pages if you haven't already.  AmandaRama is me- a person who wants to entertain, connect, inspire, and express. Thank you for tuning in, supporting, interacting, and being a vital part of the artist I want to be.